wendy the hopping arncliffe

2002-11-30T19:43:00.000-08:00

golly
well
then
so much has happened
i have nothing to share with the public except
1) go see bowling for columbine
2) don't go see the film i saw tonight (forgot the title)

2002-11-09T20:30:00.000-08:00

Well dear reader(s)
it's been a while since we last exchanged clicks
wow
well not much has changed
except
i have finally found some people willing to play music with me
i have been having immense fun playing my songs with them
but still don't know if it will go anywhere
but where there's will there's way so they say

look forward to our first gig
some time next year probably unfortunately

love sam

2002-07-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

His childhood fraught with familial treachery, he stumbled fatherless with hard criminal brothers for role models through teen years. Adopting women as his mirror, James plucks life’s fruit from the booty he can steal. He continues to spin empty webs, running from the ghoulish echoes, which reverberate, through his intimacy.

2002-07-25T20:56:00.000-07:00

Damn where is Sheree?>
It's been 25 minutes now i am ready to leave this damn airport. IT's too cold this morning to be waiting out here in the pickup zone. That damn red zone voiceover is gonna drive me nuts any minute.
I'm gonna wait another 5 mins.
Look at that long haired kid wandering around over there.
He must be high, all looking up at the overhead pass and shit.
Look at the look on his face, he is gotta be fucked up on somethign!
Whatever it is it must be good, he is smiling from ear to ear. Wow are they , yes they are, tears!
He is actually crying with happiness! Wow. Can't remember the last time I saw tears of joy.
He's lighting a cigarette and staring at the clouds. Looks like a complete dreamer. Now he's actually kissing a pylon. That boy is craaaaaaaaaaaazeeee!
Well
2 minutes left before i split, she must have called home.
probably flight got delayed or something.
Wow that kid is walking up to some luggage. Oh it must be his.
Man he looks wiped out on something. But i never seen someone so happy in all my life!
He must have just flew in this morning. Probably from Russia or some tortorous part of the world. That's why he's so happy. Yeah i got this kid figured out. He damn cute!
Well I hope he enjoys our country. Looks like he got some idea like it's heaven here or something.
He's in for a big surprise! Ha ha Los Angeles, city of peace and harmony! HAHA.
Maybe it's his first trip overseas alone. I know that feeling. Yeah wow.
He STILL crying! GOddamn.
Well Sheree's time is up. I'm going back to bed. But it sure was fun watching that crazy kid.
Hope he gets to wherever he's going without losing that crazy smile. Hope he don't get picked up for a street kid.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our inventory shows sales are up 48 per cent this quarter. Fear is selling like hotcakes. We think it's the recent global catastrophe boosting our sales. You can't compete with our product. Why? Let me give you a couple of reasons:
1) Diversity.
We export our product in hundreds of different convenient packages in thousands of different outlets across the country! From a simple home insurance policy to karate lessons, to guns to the media to bodyguards right the way up to underground nuclear safe homes, we got it! In fact you have access to fear 24 hours a day, anywhere you are. Our representatives are roaming the streets in their flashing cars and are ready to accompany you down to the fear factory or give you a real dose, on the spot! And it's free the first time!
2) Consumer satisfaction.
After a correct dose of fear, you won't want to leave your house. You won't want or need to do anything until your next dose. Our home delivery tv system via the news and COps is guaranteed to keep you dry and still for hours at a time. Once your animalistic curiousity takes over all you need to do is switch on the tv or open a newsweek for imMEDiate relief.
3)Safety.
There is now sufficient evidence that proves how safe our product is. Our customers have been shown to lead safer lives. By staying at home, avoiding cancer and prowlers, tax payments, computer viruses, car accidents, manmade viruses, falling buildings, the war, blood hungry powercrazy government agendas and falling meteorites, our customers lead safer and more productive lives.
4) Product Integrative Compatibility
All our products can work together or independantly to create that great buzz. You can control small minorities or vast nations with Fear, using a combination of video, print media, hardware and actual demonstration to immobilize unwanted behaviour and stop pests right in their tracks. Last year several potential civil uprisings were avoided using our products alone!

So whether you want to lead a safer, more purposeful life for yourself, or just want to control your enemies, OR friends for that matter, buy Fear today!

2002-07-09T22:34:00.000-07:00

guppy drop 1

2002-07-08T15:20:00.000-07:00

inventing complex constitutions
to guide our troubled evolution
don't see any resolution
i just see pain and massive destitution

with technological assistance
the promise of peaceful existence
no oasis in the distance
i just see bloodshed and resistance

why pretend ?
it runs deeper than our will
why pretend?
cos more blood is gonna spill
why pretend?

enough to feed the world and more
there's no reason left for war
but soldiers keep on marching on
the same old song

why pretend ?
it runs deeper than our will
why pretend?
cos more blood is gonna spill
why pretend?

PUNK SONG

where would we be without world poverty
who would we get to build our SUVs?
keep em down
keep em down on the ground

who says that slavery's a thing of the past?
let's bomb another state make american dreams last
keep em down
keep em down on the ground

2002-07-05T08:47:00.000-07:00

A poem i just wrote
-------------------------------

On lofty wings of sweat and steel
Our spirit steep ascends
In velvet courtrooms men conceal
A darker force their ends

With each day scores of rank and file
Lulled in submissive trance
engaged in frolic fun and free while
Unseen powers advance

This menace takes its shape and form
From nothing ever seen
Its presence deathly fever warm
Is felt by every human being

For this phantom lies not outside but
Underneath the skin
In each and every one of us
A burning plague within

Marchers march in peacetime din
As wheels of war begin to spin
Factory workers joke at mass
While pumping shells with pois'nous gas

Children learn words of Versailles
Their fathers planning genocide
Sweet gen x-ers eyeballs red
Blast another hooker through the head

Eludes me who we're trying to sell
This spectacle white and pure
While freshly killed begin to swell
Their freedom shall endure!

2002-07-01T17:35:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 3 today
an early riser so i'm told
One hour to fix my jair
One more to make my skin look gold

Jerked myself off and then
Grabbed my spirits and my shades
Headed down to Jo's cafe
Put my image on parade

I am a slacker
I've got such heavy things to say
Like corporations tryin to take our souls away

I am a slacker
My nipple rings are so profound
They make these awesome jingly little sounds

My friends were hangin tough
The smell of manhood in the air
Lost cowboys talkin rough
About our tatooes and our hair

Drink fair trade and free tibet
I hear it's nice there in the spring
Just one more epithet
I'm vegan loot at my nose ring

I am a slacker
You'll never meet a deeper man
A cigarette and latte in each hand

I am a slacker
You'd better heed my point of view
My prophecies will all be coming true

I want your
I try so hard to prove myself
But nobody believes me when i tell them

Please believe me
I'm begging for your sympathy
My life depends on knowing that you love me

I I wish i were a fishy swimmin in a fish bowl
I'd never have to worry 'bout the state of my control
Swimmin round i'd never have to think for myself, oh
I wish i were a fishy living high up on a shelf

I wish to God that my life was already mapped out
never have to choose any particular route
make decisions never have to doubt
It wouldn't matter what I'd do, I'd always get fed
And live a comfy life until the day that i was dead

I might not have my freedom living here inside this box
swimming round in circles dancing round amongst the rocks
I'd never meet Miss Nature Or drink deep from her cup
But who needs to go outside when the world is so fucked up

Oh i wish i had a corporate job Working 9 to 5
Sitting in my cubicle protected from this life
I'd never have to think or talk to any one again,
Make my daddy proud of me bl blb lb lblblb lb

That is what i wanna do the rest of my days
Helping hustle money from the poor up to the rich
As long as i won't have to take responsibility
I wish i were a fishy living high up on a shelf

2002-06-23T00:16:00.000-07:00

hey and welcome to another edition of sam lipman's diary
spiderman and home movie
two wonderful films that i probably won't remember this time next week
although those manhattan scenes in spiderman fucking rock

also have been checking into bill hicks the comedian
pretty awesome and daring

i have this new habit of watching the fish
for hours
that seems wierd right?
i mean every night for at least an hour, i squat in front of the fish tank watching the 2 toughies chase the goldfish round the tank
bastards
they should pick on someone their own size

my girlfriend is awesome

she loves to lie on the couch
and relax
while i squat watching the fishes

honey

honey

mmm

i think the minnows are bugging the goldfish

mmm

well see she's the fish expert
i may know how to cook them, but never cared for them much
anyway

it's great writing for no one
cos i know that i can't offend anyone

big juicy bleeding babies dangling from dangerous things!!!!!

ha

2002-06-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

a rancid sniffling
cowboy satchel
i dangle from the afterthought

'did you know her?'
an inquisitive patient once remarked

s.markovitz, 1959
--------------

been perusing the palestinian newspapers
absolutely zero statments on s bombings
i guess there's no opinion then
oh wait, just found this blindinly informative rag

as my sleeping pills kick in, it's getting harder to contemplate the following comments from the article above

"We have an undefeatable weapon that cannot be followed or arrested,”
"the choice of martyrdom missions represents the majority of the Palestinian people and factions"

so apparently this nation at large is responsible for the attacks, and not just the militants
here's another cool quote, from the bomber's note

..."This operation doesn't mean I like to kill. .. I hate to kill or be killed. But I did it so that future generations will have a better life. (Mother) don't be sad, don't cry but be proud that I am a martyr.”

and from the boy's priest
..."He was sweet and nice. We're all proud of what he did. His attack came in response to the killing of Palestinians everyday by Israel, civilians and children... how can we fight back against tanks and planes? "

abolition only causes blindness in linking presurgence to its master

2002-06-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

Acabo de finir viendo la pelicula "Un Lugar se llamando Chiapas"

La pelicula mas bueno que he visto este anno.

Actually since we last spoke, I have seen Star Wars Episode1 and 2 which ironically mirror the prementioned thriller/documentary, as well as Kurt and Courtney, also a hair razing reality film.

Damn.

Some of my favorite lines from each film:

Kurt Cobain: "I could shell out a couple of grand to have you snuffed" in a death threat to an aspiring bibliographer.

Confidential memo from Chase Manhattan Bank to Mexican Government: "get rid of the Zapatistas"

The Star Wars films showed struggle between grassroots organizations trying to defend their homelands against shift in agri-commerce, exactly like A Place Called Chiapas. But the thing I liked about the last fim was that the film makers did NOT try to portray evil vs good, but rather force against force, namely pride against change. This helped me to understand the source of conflict, which I could not understand in Star Wars. I doubt that George Lucas has a clue about real sources of conflict either, only that some people are BAD, the DARK side of the force. Anyway I don't know why I am noting similariteis about all these things. Maybe bad leftovers from English classes which I usually failed.

Why the hell would this dude build 2 armies and pit them against each other? What a waste of energy, I mean if he wanted to take over the galaxy, why wouldn't he just spring a surprise clone army on everyone at once, rather than waste one against the other?

---------------

It seems that ambition or want has not been quelled in modern democratic society, only 'clipped' so that each man may have his backyard-full of a kingdom. What Zapatistas and other threatened/massacred communities want is to continue lifestyles that we have deemed outmoded. That you are no longer allowed to work your own land, it doesn't fit in with the modern commercial model of mass agriculture and urban sprawl. Those who wish to cling to the old methods and refuse to step out of the way of the new world process are doomed.

What seems ironic to me is that the rewards of automating the world of agriculture to displaced landworkers have never really been delivered. I mean, how is living a hank hill life with 200 sq yards and a fence with mowed lawn and a pool better than living in the wilderness? I guess it's safer. So in other words, progress exists solely to prolong life and make it safer. Here is the foundation of greed, the fear of death.

Now I understand a little more.

A curtain of bloodshed slowly engulfs the planet as robots replace workers at the quest of a longer safer life. It was interesting to witness groups of 'activists' assembled as spectators of this human combustion, to 'sympathise' with the 'downtrodden community.' I can almost see Thom Yorke waving around a Fuck NAFTA flag. Dude these are the same people who come home after 5 days of 'supporting' to return home to the very lifestyles that feed the spreading puddle of destruction. The problem I'm speaking of is that nobody seem to understand what the hell is going on, they want to contribute but their actions are ultimately hypocritical, without any awareness.

To help myself understand the problem I have created a model. Let's call those who have a modern system of agricommercte 'weatlthy' peoples of the world B, and others A. It seems that the A people are flatly refusing to accept the new system of the B's, they would rather die. Assuming the given undeniable reality of physical phenomena and innovation, it would be logical to accept that things must go forwards (try telling this to Wynton Marsalis) much as a strong and steady rock will eventually ground into sand by a waterfall. Bs have accepted this evolution of process while As cling to conserving their methods. Well all Bs KNOW that eventually, new methods while triumph. It seems they are the only ones who could prevent the combustion of As who try and resist change. They could do this by creating alternatives for As that are digestible. That somehow integrate and facilitate the elements of A culture that As are so afraid of losing.

How could Zapatistas be encouraged to embrace the new system?

I just realize that the more i try and objectify this, the more i am just trying to remove myself from the problem.

Ok now i am just thinking myself into a nowhere.

Genocide seems so avoidable, that's why it's such a tragedy, I mean if you look at the actual premise. Methinks that people opt for drama, terror and death in a snap reaction.

So anyway how was your day darling?

Courtney Love scares the shit out of me in that film.. She is a killer, I am convinced, however, when we meet her father, you wonder how she couldn't be the way she is, growing up around two pitbullls that were trained to get her out of the house. This guy is creeeeeepy dude! MOst of the cast of this film were disgustingly out of touch with their feelings. So then I downloaded all of Nirvana's lyrics. Hmmm interesting. I guess they just filled a time and a place, speaking for a mass of teenagers full of wrath and disgust, worthlessness and wastage. Like a giant pity party. Consumption breeds emptiness. That is my answer for the last 50 years of human cultural development. Here could be your answer for Columbine killings. Modern society has attempted to upgrade its reality with more filler. More and more tv, computer games, microwave dinners have spawned a human that is more and more out of touch with his physical world. It is NOT working. People are NOT happier. Just number and blander and emptier. We are in the midst of a cultural faux pas, a diet that didn't work. We have become an obese and unsatisfied culture, living meaningless repetitive lives that really add no nutrition to the universe. We must wake up, and change the program!!! America has been the place where so many great things have happened. I hope that it doesn't become petrified by its own pride. Our livestyles do NOT support the universe. The aforementioned As' do. That is why they won't back down, they KNOW they're right.
They give back to the earth. We must acknowledge where our system is not feeding the universe. It is our weakness. I sound like a hippy but I am right.

2002-06-14T00:59:00.000-07:00

i'm supposed to be writing lyrics
am is blocked
this is what writer's block is

hmmm

great feeling

isn't it

im just lazy that's all

i am gonna write about something great tonight

like 6th street was pretty fun tonight
i realized that mucho guys are more afraid of people than anyone

here we are at a drum and bass site
breakbeat.co.uk

listening to all this stuff is interesting
accelerated culture is what it calls itself

it seems like a swamp of folk culture, dancy and streety much like folk music of any century, intent on displaying testoterone, and social dominance.

What might be nice is to take this technology, and use it to make music of a more civilized nature, ie to curb testosterone levels to allow for another process to begin, which might be the magic art of harmony. It's too bad our crappy 56k connection can't handle this broadband shit.

Well fuck it. Now I am illegally downloading Cool Edit Pro from Kazaa. All 20 MB of it. Do I feel guilty? No. At least the people who made it got paid for it. You think I got paid? Hell No.. Once I get some kind of income of it, I;ll send them a Valentine.

It's like forgetting why you exist. You feel like you're only reason for living is to be the butt of everyone's jokes. The guy who fell for Thom Yorke saying that he masturbates a lot. The guy who goes out to hear sad oi music all by himself. Who spends his life dreaming of having his talent exalted, acknowledged, and mostly, enjoyed. And what is this talent? A knack for fidgety stuff on instruments and a coarse ability to sing in the neighbourhood of the required tone. Why am I so fucked up? Is it my education? Why do I always ask questions? They seem endless. I read my blog and it's questions questions. Well when Lee said it would be nice if I got up in the mornings so we could eventually get a house, I agreed. It's gonna be hard watching my loved ones and friends get really famous and loved, if I continue treading water in my own vomit for the rest of my life. Is producing the same as performing? I guess it is in a way. I would like to have a band that had the benefit of internal brain experience of drum'n'bass from webhunting. Hunting is what i thought i was doing this evening, like hunting for people, hunting for friends. So the drum'n'bass thing plus rock as well. What i would like to keep from jazz is my abitility to trust my instinct harmonically as well as rhythmical openess. So I want to take advantage of technology. Definately to have stereo on my side, to help create the internal thing, with reverb and chorus. I want to provide my customers with a completely enriching experience. I want them to be able to get lost in their own imagination, to surrrender to themselves, be overpowered by the music, to instigate the emotional process that i so love in the arts. Once they open up, I want to deliver my message to them. Which will be essentially positive, but also a slight kick in the ass, a wake up call. It doesn't have to be political or in any way dogmatic, only be better to yourselves, and the world will be good to you back. But this seeems way out of whack with any popular culture. I will therefore have to renouce all desire to be popular. As I have seen recently that this is fear based thinking, a fear of not being loved.
So awesome bass and awesome stereo soundscaping will be crucial in my shows. The only way to get this is 1) money, 2) know people with great gear. Actually all I need is a bass player with a good rig. I can do the rest with the alessis, and a guitar. Also I could call that dude that I played with, Mystery Sister.
Anyway, what I really need to have behind all this is good songs.
IE Good lyrics. Now they don't have to be poignant or earthshaking, just complete and satisfying to you. I mean if you look at radiohead;s lyrics, they're not brilliant, but deliberately vague and euphoric. Shit it's not like Thom Yorke doesn't have anything specific to say, just read his interviews! He's an extremely articulate Chomskyite. However, the closest lyric to this standpoint is 'bring down the government , . . they don't speak for us' everything else is about more personal subjects. From his lead, you can conclude that just because one is an articulate speaker, it don't meant that you have to put it in your lyrics.
People need music. I need people, an audience. We need each other.. so what can I do to help me?
Start small. OK
well i have this drum and bass player. They are both older and slightly bone headed and don't recognize me as a singer. Should i go ahead with them, or should i wait and practice singing? I think I should have a voice lesson before i do anything. I would like to work with them, but not on sax. I am over playing sax. I want to sing. I want to sing. Everytime I say this to myself, i remind me of that scene in the holy grail, but father i want to SIIIIIIINNNNNGGGG!!!!

So I want people to have an inCREdibly good night when they come to hear my band. I want them to be tranced into an aural paradise, where i will sweep them off their feet. i'm gonna keep listening to the internet stuff, to get more of a feel for that london d and b stuff, and incorporate into the show.
One idea is a band that plays acoustically, with the club stuff going on over the top, at double the tempo. Too much?

Maybe I should focus on getting a band together first. A simple band
like what sting started doing
he played bass cos it's bloody impossible to find a bass player anywhere
just look in the chronicle
pages of bassist wanted
and more pages of guitarist for hire
funny
ha ha ha ha

lots of pianists wanted to
but for playing in prison to a bunch of infectious brain nazis
what can i do?

well i saw this skinhead oi band play down at room 710 last night and one of them was wearing a swastika
i looked at this kid with his spikey blond hair, and i considered asking him what the significance of his sign was
it would have felt good to punch him in the head, completely by surprise, and watch him stumble backwards into the bar and slide to the floor, with blood dripping out of his nose.... just like in the movies. I'm sure my murdered ancestors would have appreciated it.
Yes reader
that is the sort of mood i have been in all day/
i think i get menstrual bleeding
only it's up here
in my head
it usually comes once a month and lasts a couple of days
were i feel as if i were a fly caught in an elephant's anus, an elephant that had old fish for dinner.
hopefully my mood will improve as i crawl out of bed tomorrow morning at 3 to my same old breakfast of coffee and a cigarette
as i sit around wondering why i'm sitting around, not dancing and singing around some gold\en lit enormous stage with thousands, no millions of fans crowding at my feet, buying my favorite treat, rasperry sherbet with lots of real rasberrys and signed Toscanini records

some people are really great at becoming popular and then being upset that they need to be
others are great at castrating themselves because they're not popular and feel they have no access it
which one are you?
email the answer tomorrow mornign at 9 to sawfish@hotmail.com
:|

2002-06-09T12:56:00.000-07:00

here are some awful lyrics that i wrote last night with the help of some australian merlot

ROck Song
Too broke to go out in this evil city
Watch the night roll by from my front porch
Took a ride on my feet down to the cafe
Watchin people get high on life it's so pretty

Can't seem to find out what's wrong in my heart
can't identify the shadow that pulls me apart

I'm so lucky to have you in my life
I don't know how you put up with all my strife
Everyday you forgive me one hundred times
Girl do I deserve this kind of love?

Goes against all reason
for you to love me this way
cos i been out of line for so long now
please stay

middle bit

I keep hopin that somethin good will come
Your reflection and hope are the only things taht keep me one
I know life's answers are few and far betweeen
In the meantime, babe you've got to believe in me

Can't seem to find out what's wrong with my heart
can't identify the shadow that pulls me apart

2002-06-09T12:47:00.000-07:00

2 files i had to save from terry's machine
Hi sam.

Tonight we've got a great show for you.

First some bruckner to get your mind suspended on that infinite ocean of 'wow', followed by some radiohead to add lightning. and then strauss to finish.

That see of of endless 'ooh' and 'aah', like bursting golden fireworks, or when you go over that first drop of a rollercoaster into sheer madness.

no no no

check this out

like a show like this

find eternal happiness with a beautiful spacious intro that lulls me into your hand trancing me like strauss horn sounds over strings, endless heartfelt emotion, then either 1) trance me softly into a groovy beat or 2) blow me away with lights

a slow beautiful unfolding melody, strauss-like
with internal-body sounds electronic (heartbeat or breathing)
eventuates into medium or up groove both electronic and acoustic
long groove with slow lfos like ray of light
verse
then to
prechorus build
then break then

BANG all lights go on
guitars!!! CHORUS!

--------

line up will be

drummer doubles on sequencer/sampler(eric,jimmy,brad)
bass guy doubles on synth bass(johnny?)
guitar doubles on synth lead(sanjay?)
synth/rhodes/dj(???)
main vocals/guitar/sax/horn/flute (sam)

plus lighting/mixing/projection/slides/smoke person (tammy)

-------------------

each song will have to fit in the long form

here are some elements i would like to include in the thing

drum 'n bass (featuring sliced beats that i have yet to learn from travis)

luscious stereo padding
french horn

european classical melody/harmonies
american jazz harmonies
exotic 3rd world modal melodies

techno
r'n'b
rock!
jazz
salsa?
rap?

infact i am thinking that each song could be a different character in some weird story

2002-06-09T11:53:00.000-07:00

here's some stuff you can read about
if you don't like my lyrics
sue me
i am not hurting you

fuck you fuck you fuck you

competition
seems an undeniable element of life
always there
i try to avoid it
end up hating nmyself for missed opportunity
hate others who do that shit so well

this pet shop boys sounds like police from 80s

lyrics
happy not always sad or angry or negative
write something happy
what about someone you respect or admire
maybe someone who came thru hard times that way you can incorporate negativity

also i'd like to write a song about utopia kind of like imagine by jl
picture the future and make it realistic

maybe i could give each of my negative songs a positive edge by adding a positive outcome or moral to the story kind of thing cos i don't want preach myself out of an audience, but i also don't want to be pure entertainment either.

why am i the only one who hates norah jones
what is wrong with me?
it's not only that i'm jealous it's also cos the music is so generic
i am jealous cos i think i deserve to be famous to
i am trying to do something about it

what do i like to hear?

i love radiohead cos their lyrics touch me deeply
they reach deep into today's world

thank god for samir
he just told me that my lyrics sound like teen angst
so he gave me a great exercise

writing exercises

i am to write about something that i love

what i love

i love lee
she is awesome
she is my equal
we are a great match
why?
because

she thinks for herself
she loves me
she has a life

i love novelty
i love anything that is new and exciting
challenging
like learning the french horn
or bmw convertibles
or discovering a new city

i love food
well cooked unsaturated food
well composed food
well composed anything
structure space are like good manners
and the taste and consistency is even more important

i love whingeing
about how the world is unfair to me and that i can't get anywhere
i love thinking that i have no chance cos god hates me

i love playing music
i love exploring in jazz
playing old vocabulary in an entirely new way
i like to play the major chords a major 3rd above

i love good music that moves me
like elbow or radiohead

i love being moved in a pleasing, releasing way

i love sex, the sweet slippery sensation on my cock, and the powerful feeling as i thrust it into my lover

i love to project my feelings of unhappiness onto other people and countries etc

i love my song emily

i love playing piano exploring the art of sculpting chords

i love being alone
for about half an hour

then i love being with my girl
for about an hour

then i love being alone again
and it goes around

i love a good comedian
i love being entertained
i LOVE coffee
i LOVE cats
i love trees

coffee
trees
cats
pipe organs
sex
raspberries
raspberry juice
radiohead
elvis costello
markturner
lee i-can't-say-her-last-name-cos-she's-so-popular
richard strauss
richard wagner
elbow
kurt rosenwinkel
independance
chicken fried steak
love
me

i want coffee in the early morning
right up to lunch i don't 'need food
cos the coffee gets me in the mood for makin things

i love your brown warm sweetness as it trickles down my throat
you're my ticket to today's rollercoaster
sweat dissolves when you saturate my yearning
with your not quite burning love

get you a grounding
my heart is pounding for coffee

-----------------------------------------

nature

perfection pitted against chance
i worship your random beauty
your abundant lush fragrant soul
abounds in my new home

2002-06-08T01:07:00.000-07:00

happy things
anyone want to suggest any happy themes to write about?
i need some!
write to sawfish@hotmail.com
thanks
put HAPPY in the subject line

2002-06-08T00:58:00.000-07:00

hey i just tried to join the nyc bloggers
lorimer st is where i used to live
how cool
so i have been writing songs all night and am happy with 2 new piano songs
although they sound too much like thom yorke
damn
i always sound like someone else
fuck
not one original bone in my body
except my song emily
so here's the plan
get punk band together
go from there

tonight i saw midnight towers at the mercury
pretty damn good i must say!

so i wonder if the pop world is ready for my major 7 #5 chords
i really hope so
let's get into the can of worms lets!!

love sam

2002-06-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

america (or maybe just texas) consume less, think more;

it bugs me that we are set up so that we never have to think for ourselves, cook for ourselves, fend for ourselves, that this society rates consuming things above experiencing
we will all end up obese disgusting sitting ducks waiting to be chopped by osama, unless we get back to being with our selves, cooking for ourselves, thinking for ourselves
we must see the obesity of our own culture, in physical form or other!, the obesity of our houses, our cars, why this necessity for large? overthrow the system!!!!!!!!
---------------------------------------------

sureness can be a mistake with chicks

she said i feel love for you down here in my stomach and groin, it's deep!!
a week later she was fucking someone else.
you think you got a good thing, you think you know someone well,
well you're wrong! you don't know shit dude, and the big ugly reality-monster will be here soon to play a big joke on your ass, and you'll be humiliated and stabbed through the heart, and all the roots that your heart grew deeply into the soil will slowly die a very slow and painful death, from which there is no escape. Your life stops, you can't leave the house and you lose the sight of colour and all hope for the future. Life becomes like liveing in an aquarium of grey death fluid. your breathing destablizes and you keep getting major hits of panic attack adrenaline from which there is no return. at times, You lose control of your body completely. VERY SCARY! Yeah you think you know someone, and you think you love them, then you realize that you loved hope, beauty, charm grace and above all booty. Then you ask why did I get so fucked up over that shallow shit?
About $100 later in therapy, just when you start to wonder how much more you can really take, you realize that your pain has another source, an old wound from your childhood, pretty deep. That you have a huge fear of being abandoned. Then you realize you are FINE! and somehow all the pain goes away, until the next time you think you know someone.
--------------------------
overcoming depression
go to mexico
see the beautiful buildings
here the beautiful music in Guadalajara cathedral, here the young girls' angelic song in the stadium nightclubs and see the mindboggling modern houses in the nice parts of town.
Admire the moderation in size of people, vehicles and houses. Watch how people cook for themselves and every man has his face-painted lunch cooking floor mopping housewife.
Practice your spanish with a family of refugees from Guatemala who collectively have owned less in their short dangerous lives than the average american unemployed teenager with his gamecube and trendy t shirt collection and dodge truck with V8. Notice how they won't take any cash, and will not let you leave them till you are full of plantanos.

GET OVER IT!!!
let's kill more arabs so we can have bigger trucks
WAKE UP!!!!
------------------------------
the shallowness of deepness

wow that's so profound!
she said
oh my god it came to me during yoga class while sipping my ecologically sound chai latte, which fits perfectly in my dodge truck's plastic cup holder. yes i do my share do you? it gives me closure within myself
just another door opening door closing. my eyes really opened to other cultures last summer in cancun. Those mexicans are great as long as they stay there, except for that cute one who scrubs the floor down at mcdonalds. he's so cute with that cute jewellery he wears, did he get it at the mall?
i am perfect and complete just the way i am
that's right, we are perfect and complete just the way we are. We didn't choose war did we?
i embrace my inner glutton, i embrace my inner tyrant, my inner poverty, slave driver and we embrace inner genocide. It's all so very deep and cleansing, like apricot lotion.
--------------------------------------
online everything
i am so happy
i'll never have to drive anywhere again, or leave my couch. I don't even need to date, now it's all online.
If times are tough i got Kervorkian's email too. Now i'll never have to see the sun again, or the trees, useless things. Gone are the days of talking to people or dealing with shopkeepers or reading and writing. I can order my coffee straight from the slaves without having to see them or talk to them. Never have to go in a bar or have sex now there's cloning.
Maybe i can order someone to come and clean my shit from out of my pants i won't have to get up from my couch.
-----------------------------------------------------------
corporate life
life
is that what they call this?
everyday i ride the same elevator to the same grey cubicle in the same windowless chamber they call 'marketing'
each day i cleverly check my email and browse my favorite sites, i finally made it the american dream
soon i'll have enough to buy a windowless shoebox next to the other 80 thousand shoeboxes on shoebox lane
here comes the boss
your obeseness, object of my worship you look nice today oh your weight broke the elevator sorry to hear can i help you with that crate of krispy cremes? better watch your assistant she's getting snoopy, oh please don't crack the whip on my head please, love your new yacht too bad you got no time to use it. 7 figures? congrats you are a real person now. an island in the pacific? wow really living life!!
corporate life
---------------------------------------------------------------
invisible slavery
they tell us drugs support terrorism
did they tell you that chevrolet support genocide?
or that GE support nuclear war
or that Bell have murdered more people than manson?
yes everyday we crack the whip on hundreds of millions of thirdworld peoples. where does your coffee come from? where is that nice shirt from? who made it? why?
as long as i don't have to see it it's all good
out of sight out of mind
no i won't give up my starbucks for that hippie shit!
--------------------------------------------
religion
people getting together to share information and love is great
but why do we need some vague ideology to keep us apart
while religion is many peoples' lives it also takes away many others'
i would live alone to avoid killing others
so should you
------------------------------------------------------------
don't know what you're missing til you get some

6 years in the big apple
come home come home dad said
no i gotta be here where the action is
(if i could only find it)
gotta keep looking
how many l trains overpacked with death breathed morning zombies on their way from little box apartments to survival in a cubicle did i catch before taking a fresh breath of air
she broke my spell
then i got some fresh air
now i know what i was missing
there's nothing wrong with peace, trees and guitars
there's nothing cool about cement, hierarchies and hype
now i found my happiness and it's nowhere near macys or madison square
it ainn't in some hirise swank
no it's right here in the trees and the bees
--------------------------------------------------------

i love my dad

he's alright
i used to think he was a cunt
every now and again i still do
but he really is alrigth
he's not always correct
but he's very wise
he's not always happy to see me
but i always feel welcome
he's not very competent at many things
but he's great with people
an ambassador as he says
and you should hear him play the trumpet
course you won't get to he's too bloody shy
he's horribly awkward sometimes
but he makes such fun of people
he's ashamed of me
but he's also real proud

what a dichotomy
------------------------------------------------------------
cling to what you know (like roaches)
------------------------------------------------------------
the strangeness of human direction (drugs, suicide, madness, why?)
do they do it to be cool?
but how will people like you if you're dead?
i knew this guy
had a great life
making people smile
had all the chicks and the looks and a motorcycle
everyone loved ben george
why'd he have to die?
took all those drugs
seems we've come so far from our simple beginnings
or have we?
maybe we'll evolve into other creatures
but right now we can't handle our freedom
do we come from lemmings?

boxes we live in boxes
shut the blinds when the sun comes thru
turn on the tv don't look at the trees
why?
are we related to voles?
maybe so
50 pounds of trash piled round the average person's living room
is this what we live for?
an obese culture with excess excesses
why?

grafitti, making our hoods look worse
piercings making our bodies into herse
whY?
are we related to pigs?
------------------------------------------------------------
i saw my neighbour the nice girl on porn internet

the other night i was itching for a stroke
it'd been 3 months since i got to have a poke
i went upstairs to my computer and
logged on
i was in for a hell of a night

got my 6 inches packed into my left hand
while i navigate thru the sexynet with my right
flipping thru sites looking for something more
oh my god there she is the girl from next door!

but she is such a nice girl
such a pretty little face
i saw her with her girlfriends drinking tea on the lawn
there she is with some cock up in her ass
there's my next door crush doing porn!

my jaw finally reached the floor as my jizz bounced off the screen
it felt good to discover that my crush was really mean
i vowed to pay a visit the very next afternoon
little did i realize that i'd end up doing spoons

middle 8

and now she is my lovely wife that next door girl you see
although i've seen her with other men it doens't bother me
soon we'll have our very own porno company
and although i have to share her, at least i get her free!

chorus

------------------------------------------------------------
the cult of convenience (imagine a vehicle)
americans just come out and say what you really want
how about this
a couch that you can shit into, so you'll never have to get up
with a wide flat screen tv attached in front and on wheels so you can go to drive thrus, no why not just have intravenous fat pumped into you constantly mmmmmmmmmmm.
then you can watch the game eat drink shit at the same time
and have a v8 that guzzles plenty of gas and makes lots of noise, course it doesn't have to go anywhere cos you can order all your porno online without ever having to leave the comfort of your own couch
you can even exercise from it, to burn off all that kfc/krispy kreme being pumped into your bloodstream, with plastic cup holders for everything
meanwhile poor people die all over the world as they try to uprise against the slavery you impose on them for this
but someone's gotta make the ultra couch, right? and it ain't gonna be us that's for sure
that's why we have guns
and the internet
cos we're so damn clever
------------------------------------------------------------

why do they hate us? (the rest of the world)
see above

------------------------------------------------------------------
invisible slavery
as you giggle sipping your chai latte
a family of guatemalans is slaughtered by us trained terrorists for standing up to the starbucks rule
as you wander around the gap with your friends wondering which shirt will capture his attention, another panamanian child burns under us sponsored fire
don't you get it
us = us
as you press the gas down in your v12 dodge viper, to pass the next guy, an american soldier's blade goes thru the throat of a saudi teenage girl, thank god
now you can get to the game on time, protect our low gas prices
as long as it's out of sight and out of mind
as you order that hornet spray from home depot, the sandinistas pour burning petroleum onto children at the day care center for local resistance against american business influence
but at least our profit interests are safe!
and they tell us that drugs help terrorists
never more evil deceit was perpetrated, not even in nixon's time
but go ahead believe it
you moron fuckface

(is this too dark??)

2002-05-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

jsut moving into new house
sorry there ain't been more
too many texans with hats and large chevrolets making me uneasy
but the new house is heavenly with cottage feel and nice curtains

sam

2002-05-08T21:37:00.000-07:00

well since we last spoke
i have been to ;ouisiana and back
promised land
lots of TALL TREES
so tall you can barely see the tops
my girlfriend's family was much nicer and easier to be with than i expected
for some reason thought that i'd have to please them but strangely only had to be myself
lots of incredibly lush green flower land between there and here

so what
i'm a geek!
gonna hold it against me?
if you don't like it go read something else!

every time i hit the road i stare at the country and it calls me!!!

sammmmmm

sammmmmm

come roll in the cow shit!

come climb these maiden breast hillls

come and sniff the flowers

i'm hopeless

all the way there

'Look honey!"

"great"

"no over there!"

looks nice sam

yeah honey what about that tree!
see it looks like the one in across from our house

yes honey can i keep reading now?

but bunty did you see that tree
wow that cloud looks like a train

shut up

but honey

shhhhh!

what else

i never knew how to paint a room til i met ladeeleeroy
i am of the ilk that slaps it on, speckled all over the floor oh well

but spakling?

who the fuck does that anyway?

well i have been spackling all afternoon
and there's more in my nose than anywhere else
and that whole thing with the tape and drop sheet
i mean please!
random paint on the floor looks GREAT!

but we are pathetic as we work
what is it that makes us talk to each other like we were 4 year olds talking to kittens

there are signs all over buda saying that suspicious people will be reported to the authorities
i don't care!
i will continue to lie in the fields and strum and sing
so fuck you authorities whoever you are

2002-05-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

dear blog
so sory it's been almost a week
our internet connection is soo fuckingbad
i am about to leave on 6 hour road trip to meet the girl's parents
should be fun

lots of music production and frisbee golf last week
was lovely
getting into techno
i shall try and post one up here

se you in a couple of days

sam

2002-04-26T19:53:00.000-07:00

here at 'couples night' with my new friend Ken in the dj booth
i was hoping lately to meet a dj
how lucky am I?
he was doing sound at our show earlier
unfortunately i doubled booked at Gilligan's
Kevin is gonna hate me

but we should be able to work it out

anyway

more later

2002-04-25T22:36:00.000-07:00

well today was constructive
apart from lots of people getting hurt all over the planet, it was a good day for me
i got to make some nice grooves on my darling girlfriend's computer
i want to post them so they're available to public
you might like them!

what else

decided to quit the jewish gig
just don't beleive in it
and they don't really need me there

signed a lease

woo hoo

can't wait to move into this place
it rocks

my first ever back yard

more info later when i get these grooves online

sam

2002-04-25T00:08:00.000-07:00

I have faith in people's wanting to know more
to grow and ultimately improve society
as conscience grows

the old pattern will never die
but it's very interesting to see how society has changed in my short life
i think that young people are drawn to rebellion and every now and then they find something that has genuine merit
such as chomsky
a hero to masses of collegeians
just one question
why always critical?
surely an outlook that is constantly bent downward is biased against any kind of structurism
i think noam has struck gold with his mindless dissent
although his writings have only enriched society by ever breeding the art of quetioning things

it's interesting to see what has survived the last 2 decades of american art
if we take the american consumption market as the yardstick for society, we can see surprising things
the barbaric axe wielding hairball of the 70s 80s and early 90s is all but dead
they are like chomsky, aggresive and destructive
the emergence of radiohead and bjork have really marked a new era
a time when emotion and introspection have replaced barbaric headbangin or alcohol-saturated fratting

9-11 has given the current generation a real door knock from outer space
it seems to me people are much more 'sensitive' than when i grew up
art is becoming more and more conscious of itself, as the party winds to an end
with the mp3 thing, music has really developed a spirit of its own, out of the hands of any one entity, be it record company, or artist.

commerce is dying as practitioners more than ever want to tell it like it is
the nashville buzz is all about personal experience
i think it's a reflection that national identity is also dying, and class guilt is growing

barbarism has always been a result of separatism, it's on the way out
but we see in other cultures that it's on the way in
particular in cultures that chase this one on the heels such as mexico

but the whole fracturing of modern music has really thrown me through a loop
i want to be a part of it
but without jumping on any bandwagon
i guess it's just a matter of finding the right people and the right technological situation where i can experiment all night

am i boring you?

time to publish and sip more mellow merlot

2002-04-24T23:25:00.000-07:00

after reading some blogs on the 10 most recently published
i am amazed at what so many people consider worth actually writing about
drudgeful meaningless habitual vacuum
is no reason to celebrate
another monument to humankind's disgusting vanity
why don't we just sit around all day listening to tapes of ourselves and watching movies of ourselves?
why even bother to write?

we could build some big suvs, big enough to live in
and do all our shopping at drive thrus
we'd never have to get out of our chair,
and also make sure that everyone sees our diaries

2002-04-24T23:18:00.000-07:00

how's this for some lyrics

mcDonalds Home Depot, Doritos, Velveeta
What's it gonna be today?
Magical mystery meat lasts forever
it's super insurrection highway

don't wanna leave the house
can live your life with a mouse

And If you don't agree with us
We have ways of changing your mind
The future never looked so bright
now there's online homocide

big plastic houses that drive down the highway
the next step for technology
we could pick everything up at a drive thru
Life could be so easy and free

don't need no love now there's cloning
(won't have to do all that moaning)

And if you wanna go outside
We have ways of changing your mind
The future never looked so bright
now there's online suicide

but are you ozone friendly?
or is your contents harmful?
if you're not part of the problem
then you're part of the solution

Foreign affairs at the touch of a keypad
modern democracy
we'll bring down those who don't fit in with our program
a safer world for you and me

let's build and rule a slave nation
from the comfort of our workstation

And if you don't wanna work for us
We have ways of making you pay
The future never looked so bright
Now there's online genocide

-------------------------

2002-04-24T23:15:00.000-07:00

i wonder is this mad vanity
will it last
why do i ask so many damn questions?

seriously will this journal thing ever yield any kind of creative development?
i mean i have NO information to share except about wagner's attitude towards mendelssohn and perhaps how to move the throat on sax
also i'm a mean cook
but nothing really important
not like those UT boys

2002-04-24T23:12:00.000-07:00

[4/24/2002 10:53:30 PM | sam lipman]
how many good people i have turned my back on to
start this sunfilled new life
even my greatest friend martha who has been all over the world with me it's time to say night night
should i try to stay in touch
there just ain't enuf hours in a day
ooh there goes me head thinking ssong title

2002-04-24T22:53:00.000-07:00

how many good people i have turned my back on to
start this sunfilled new life
even my greatest friend martha who has been all over the world with me it's time to say night night
should i try to stay in touch
there just ain't enuf hours in a day
ooh there goes me head thinking ssong title

so i am excited about this new life though
specially in hyde park in the beautiful cottage with my wondrous new partner

just hard to sleep with all the memories flooding in
as some great actress said i try to imagine a SWITCH to turn off the painful overload
sometimes works
but not like valium

what a strange taste in me mouth
must be the claritin
tonights dinner was yum
yum
yum

but fucked my tummy right up
that film was so barbaric
and stupid
what did people ever see in mike myers anyway?

and the blonde guy?
i didn't laugh once

what ever happened to funny

and now this new brand of humour on tv

very clever

very very clever

very clever

anyway the culture gap is as wide as ever, as mexico enters 1984 american culture and usa just turns the corner on the millenium with its revamped london punk intellect era
i guess london might be in front
never been there unfortunately
just ask radiohead

2002-04-24T22:47:00.000-07:00

slowly my life is coming back together
with the discovery of this age
i have awoken
out of a dark dream of eternal night time and golden brass and smokey jazz clubs
i am into the frying pan

2002-04-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

i really miss my friends i reaaly miss my friends
)_ + |

the wooden one with the kennel

williamsburg bath water

bar daughter

oughh!